Cleaning House With Alice:
1. You know how sometimes, in movies or TV shows, you see someone practicing kisses on a mop? Don't do that. Mops are filthy. Let the mop head touch only the floor and when you are done, wash your hands thoroughly!
2. If you are anything like me, you have a flat-top stove that is constantly getting build-up around the burners where pot after pot has boiled over. While scrubbing the area clean, your eyes may start to cross and your arm will probably start to ache. To keep your mind off of things, pretend you are a DJ at a hip club!
3. Dishes are boring. I find that if you sing while washing, drying, and putting away, time passes much more quickly... And adding a shuffle or a spin here and there really helps!
4. If you think you've used enough bleach, pour on three times as much more than you already have, just to be safe... But make sure to leave the room for about two hours until the fumes subside, unless someone is with you to move your body in the event that you pass out.
5. When I was in middle school, I had this fantastic idea that cleaning house would be more fun naked. However, as a housewife, I have to say... For every weird chemical you are using to clean, add one layer of clothing. Same goes for the amount of bugs you see. Oh, and wear shoes. You never know when you are going to move a piece of furniture and see a wolf spider!